Better a Witty Fool than a Foolish Wit

Inner Workings of My Twisted Mind.

Just a Good Old-Fashioned…


That’s right folks, it’s movie review time.  Cue Music, roll opening
credits and sit back and relax because we’re doing multiple movies
this week, and believe you me, I’ve got a bit to say about each of

We’ll start off light then get to the heavy stuff.  So, I lied a
little.  I don’t have much to say about this one.  Blades of Glory,
Paramount’s figure skating movie starring Will Ferrell, is exactly
what it seems to be…a Will Ferrell movie about figure skating.  I’m
not a huge Will Ferrell fan, as I think that he’s at his best when
he’s not in the starring roll (hello, Austin Powers anyone?).  But as
Will Ferrell movies go, this is one of the better ones.  I was
laughing the whole time, much thanks to Will Arnett (from Arrested
Development) and Amy Poehler (from Mean Girls).  The problem I had was
that Will Arnett and Amy Poehler, who are infinitely more funny than
Will Ferrell and Jon Heder (I’m one of those that HATED Napoleon
Dynamite…let the mad email responses ensue), were underused to say
the least.  They are two of the funniest people living right now, and
even when they are used, they’re not used that well.  It’s nothing to
do with their acting, the script is unkind to them.

Anyway, the point of this little ramble is to say, if you like Will
Ferrell, you’ll love Blades of Glory.  If you don’t like Will Ferrell,
you’ll hate it.

Now, on to the Disturbing.  On Monday, I got to see a sneak peek of
Paramounts ‘update’ of Rear Window called Disturbia.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking because I was thinking the same
thing.  What the fuck is an update?  And why the hell are they doing
it to Rear Window?  That film is close to perfect and directed by
Alfred Hitchcock, why are we updating it?  Plus, who, in this day and
age is going to fill in Jimmy Stewart or Grace Kelly’s shoes?  Answer,
No one.

Disturbia is exactly as it sounds…an UPDATE.  It is in no way, shape
or form a remake.  I think they learned they’re lesson from the Psycho
remake.  I was skeptical to say the least, when I walked into the
theater, but I decided I wouldn’t compare it to Rear Window unless
they had remade Rear Window.  In which case, I would have walked out
of the theater.

I was more than pleasantly surprised by the fact that this movie was
not a remake, instead it took the great story of Rear Window (person
who can’t leave the house starts watching his neighbors and realizes
that one is a murderer) and made an entirely different movie out of
it.  And it’s amazing.  Disturbia is quite possibly one of the best
thrillers since the Sixth Sense.  This is a little embarrassing, but
at one point I literally screamed out loud and jumped about 3 feet in
the air.

Really, it was just a great movie that bared little resemblence to the
film it was based on.  I definitely reccommend it.  It comes out

And for the finale.

Last night I went to see GRINDHOUSE.  Let’s get a few things out
there.  Yes it is 3+ hours long, yes it is over the top violent
(hello, Quentin Tarantino…what did you expect?)  Yes, it is two
seperate movies.  And you know what?  There’s a vast difference
between the two.

The title Grindhouse refers to the b-movies that played at grindhouse
cinemas.  They usually played in double features and were seperated by
ads for movies of the same ilk. The B-movies or Exploitation films as
they are sometimes called, are characterized by excessive violence,
gratuitous nudity, and usually one mysterious hero that dies as he
saves the world.  In other words, it’s great fun.

The actual movie Grindhouse is a joint venture between Quentin
Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez (directed Sin City).  Each of them
directed a movie and they are both shown one after the other.  The
movies are seperated by ads for other exploitation films.  It’s great.

The first film, Planet Terror, is Robert Rodriguez’ film and I must
say…it’s amazing.  Zombies with blisters that boil out of their
faces.  Rose McGowan with a machine gun for a leg (hello, best thing
ever).  Bruce Willis as the bad guy.  Tons of cheezy lines, over the
top gore, Said from Lost as the man who takes other men’s testicles
instead of say scalps.  And on top of it all, it’s actually a pretty
scary movie.  Not to mention the fact that it’s possibly one of the
most badass films I’ve ever seen.  And has the best lines ever.  This
is a must see.

The only complaint is that Tarantino makes a guest appearence.
Tarantino needs to be told that he is a horrible actor.  Stick to film
making Quentin.  The only role he was ever good in was his role in
Pulp Fiction and I’m sure that was a fluke.

Now, the second film in Grindhouse is called Death Proof.  This is
Quentin’s movie.  So you may remember a while ago when I wrote about
how I hate to love Quentin Tarantino.  Well, he’s finally made a movie
that is crap and I find myself heartbroken.  Even though I’ve been
waiting for this to happen for close to a decade I was totally crushed
by the fact that he made an almost unwatchable film.  There’s too much
talking.  I know, it’s shocking, a Tarantino movie with a bunch of
talking.  But it’s not the awesome Royale with Cheese type of talking
that is what everyone loves about Tarantino films.  It’s uninteresting
and not all that nicely written talking that turns out to be just
plain boring.  Were it not for the awesome chase scene at the end,
Tracie Thoms (played Joanne in Rent), and the powerhouse kick to Kurt
Russell’s face by Rosario Dawson, this movie would have been fucking
awful.  As it was, the first hour or so sucks and is followed up by
one of the best chase scenes in cinematic history.

I guess I was just crushed by the fact that Tarantino finally failed.
I mean it was bound to happen sooner or later. And you know what?  I
thought I would love it, but it’s like when the Pope was declared
fallable.  I mean, we all knew he was, but when you come out and say
it, it’s still a bit devestating.

Also, Quentin makes another cameo in Death Proof.  Again,
Quentin…stick to film making because, you suck as an actor.

I guess the conclusion is you should definitely go see Grindhouse, but
be sure and bring some cards or something for the first hour of the
second film.  Believe me, you’ll need them.  But put them away when
the chase scene begins because it rocks.

Alright, cue exit music, roll end credits.

That’s all for this week on useless information with Julia.  Thank you
for listening and writing in.  Next week be sure to tune in for the
telethon.  It’s your donations that keep this place going.

Peace, love, and good movies,



June 14, 2007 - Posted by | Hollywood, Movie Reviews, Movies

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