Better a Witty Fool than a Foolish Wit

Inner Workings of My Twisted Mind.

Just A Small Town Girl…

So I’m having a torrid love affair.  No, not that kind of love affair
(this email does go to my mother, and more importantly my father).  It
all started last Sunday night.  I got off work at 9:30 as usual and
headed to my apartment.  I made myself a small snack, went on the
internet for a little while and got into bed.

I usually fall asleep with the T.V. on because I hate silence (I guess
that’s why I’m a big city girl through and through.  Perhaps it has
something to do with my ridiculously, awesomely loud family, but who
knows).  Anyway, I curled up to go to sleep and I waited to fall
asleep, and waited to fall asleep, and waited to fall asleep.
Finally, around midnight I crashed….only to be awoken by my least
favorite thing in the world at 1 am, complete and utter silence.
That’s right, in the middle of Hollywood, right off of Franklin Ave.
there was silence.  No traffic, no sirens, no loud armenian music.
It was creepy to say the least.

Finally, one single dog began to bark.  Now those of you who know me
know that as much as I hate silence, I can’t fucking stand dogs.  They
bug me with their happy trusting slobbery ways.  And the barking makes
me want to shoot someone…or something, as the case may be.

Anyway, I turned the T.V. back on and tried to go to sleep, but, to my
dismay, I couldn’t do it.  Not only was I not tired, I was so not
tired I could have gone out and run a marathon (if I was sure my heart
and lungs wouldn’t explode….which they would).

Finally, Finally, at 4 am I fell asleep.  Only to be awoken by my
alarm at 7 telling me it was time to go to work.

Unbelievably, I was not tired.  I was alive, alert, awake,
enthusiastic.  I even went on a nice long walk into West Hollywood
(from Hollywood and La Brea) on my lunch break.  On this fateful
monday, I was working at my third job, as a Production Assistant.
Basically, that means I’m the office bitch, but instead of just having
to do copying and filing, it means that on a moments notice I’m sent
to every and any corner of Los Angeles to pick up or drop off some
minor, usually insignificant piece of crap.

So at 3:30 last Monday, I was driving back to the office from the nice
bank in Beverly Hills when it all came plowing into me like a freight
train.  I was freaking exhausted.  I almost fell asleep in the car
(thank god for showtunes).  So when I left work at 6 I thought, I’ll
eat a little, watch a little T.V. and go to bed early, since I had to
get up at 6:30 the next morning.

So when 9:30 rolled around  I curled up into bed turned off the
lights, and proceeded to stare at the wall wide awake for an hour.
Now thoroughly pissed off, I tore off the covers, turned on the light
and popped in none other but the Bollywood Dance Workout Video (you
read that right.)  I had figured out the problem.  Thank you mom, but
now it seems that one, Julia Callahan, cannot sleep unless she gets a
certain amount of exercise each day.

This may seem like a blessing to many of you, who, like me, hate
working out.  The idea of jumping on a treadmill makes me want to
gouge my eyes out with a spork.  Now, I am forced to work out on a
daily basis.

No, it’s not a blessing in disguise.  It’s a fucking curse when you
work anywhere from 8-16 hours a day.  On days when I work 8 hours it’s
fine, but when I work 16, the last thing I want to do is go on a walk
or exercise.  I want to fucking sit on my ass and watch ’80’s movies
and drink beer before sleeping for 10 hours (okay so usually it’s 6).

Even still, this new development in my life, no matter how unwelcome
has let to some rather awesome revelations.  And this is where my
little love affair comes into play.  I’m going to come right out and
say it.  I know all of Northern California (and most of New York) will
groan at the sound of this but here it is.

LOS ANGELES IS THE BEST CITY ON EARTH.   That’s right.  I said it.
Feel free to argue, but you won’t sway my opinion.  Here’s how I came
to that realization.  I walked.  This is the problem.  They’ve even
written a song about it.  No one walks in L.A.  When you get the hell
out of your car long enough, you can see what a supremely awesome city
this is.  I walk 15 minutes in one direction and I’m walking up
Beachwood Canyon, past some of the most beautiful houses I’ve ever
seen…and if I walk another 20 minutes I’m at the base of the hill
that holds the Hollywood Sign.  If I wasn’t afraid of wildlife
(another reason I live in a city…I hate nature), I would/could
trespass on private property and go chill at that Hollywood Sign.  A
little farther down, I can walk up to the Bronson Caves (where George
Lucas filmed some of star wars and where Star Trek would go on a
regular basis…it’s one of those L.A. secrets that everyone knows
about but not a lot of people really go to.)

However, if I walk 15 minutes in the other direction from my house, I
end up on Vermont Street in Los Feliz.  The cutest little shopping
street I’ve seen in a while.  And If I keep walking I’ll hit
silverlake.   Teeming with hipsters and pretentious literati (yes L.A.
has them too)  Silverlake can actually still be a very cool place to

To the north there’s Griffith Park (otherwise known as ‘Seattle’ for
you Grey’s Anatomy fans).

From my office on Hollywood and La Brea I can either walk into West
Hollywood (the gay area…you know I’m at home there.  All the pretty
men, none of which want anything to do with me.  It’s like mecca), or
I can walk up Runyon Canyon, which provides the best view of Los
Angeles in the world.

For those of you who still aren’t convinced.  Here is my offer.  Come
see it through my eyes.  I’ll get you out of the car, I’ll take you
out of the Beverly Center, and we’ll go see the real L.A.  The true
wonderful city, where mountains meet ocean, meet every culture
imaginable.  The offer is on the table.  Give me 2 maybe 3 days, and
I’ll make you love L.A. like I do.

And if you don’t love it, then maybe I’ll buy you a coffee…make it
worth your while.

Peace, love, and smog-loving fun,



June 14, 2007 - Posted by | Los Angeles

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