Better a Witty Fool than a Foolish Wit

Inner Workings of My Twisted Mind.

What is Wrong With America?

The short answer:  C.S.I. and Law and Order.

Now, before 30 Million Americans come after me in my sleep let me explain myself…

Two of the most popular shows in America are C.S.I. (all three variations are in the top 20 in T.V. ratings every week), and Law and Order (again all three variations are in the top 20 in T.V. ratings every week).  Now, why on earth we must have C.S.I. (Las Vegas), C.S.I.:Miami and C.S.I.: New York, is beyond me.  Same with Law and Order.  You’ve got Criminal Intent, Special Victims Unit, and regular Law and Order.  Ok, so why on earth is it necessary to have THREE different versions of the same exact show.  It’s not like the difference between Grey’s Anatomy, House, and E.R. (which needed to be cancelled eight years ago when George Clooney left).  Yes, all three of those shows take place in hospitals, but they don’t have the same plot, and most importantly they don’t have the same plot every single week.

That’s right, I said it.  C.S.I.:  Basic plot.  Someone gets killed in the teaser, opening credits roll, the C.S.I.’s figure out who did it based on forensic evidence.  Great, that’s a great plot if you’re only watching this pile of trash once, but how on earth can people watch this crap on a weekly basis (and for many it’s a can’t miss show)?  Come on people.  Basically, you have a show with no character development, whatsoever, where the plot is basically the same, the details just change.  I’m pretty sure there is a writer’s room full of chimpanzees on the different C.S.I. sets.  Not to mention, C.S.I.: New York is filming at Paramount right now, and every person working on that set are complete divas (it’s annoying).  Of course, if any of these productions offered me a job, I’d take it immediately.  I’m perfectly fine with working with Chimpanzees. 

But I digress.  Law and Order has recieved many more accolades than C.S.I.  Mariska Hargitay won an emmy for SVU.  Christopher Meloni was nominated for one.  Ok, great.  First of all, the Emmy’s have been a huge joke for years, seeing as they refuse to nominate anyone who is in a decent show.  Hello, Grey’s Anatomy cast.  Hello, Kristen Bell from Veronica Mars.  Hello, Lauren Graham for Gilmore Girls.  All of these people recieve unheard of amounts of Emmy buzz and they are never nominated.  Why?  Because the academy doesn’t want to reward the WB, UPN, or the new CW.  This doesn’t account for Grey’s Anatomy’s many snubs, but that’s a different rant waiting to happen.  In any case, all Mariska Hargitay and Chris Meloni’s nominations meen is that they are good actors.  NEWSFLASH AMERICA:  It takes more than just good acting to make a great T.V. show.  It’s a combination of many many things.  Writing is of the utmost importance, and like I said, chimpanzees. 

So why how does this relate to What is Wrong with America?  Approxametly 30 million people tune in to these shows every single week.  This is a huge portion of the T.V. watching community.  (And to put this in perspective, only about 15 million watched the results of the presidential election two years ago, and 30 million people still watched these shows that night, which says to me that the people who watch these shows are the ones who couldn’t care less who is elected president.  I say that we take these people out to Oklahoma, where most of them probably live, and shoot them all).  What does this say about America, that double the amount of people watched some version of C.S.I. (a show that has the same plot every week), than the Presidential election results?

I think the repeating plot points also point to America’s ability to watch the same things over and over again, and, if they have slight differences, still be entertained.  Hello, we’ve already been to Iraq once, but we’re there again.  It’s fun, kind of like a T.V . show.  We watched the O.J. trial for a year and a half.   Boy, did that have a great cast, huh?  Marcia Clark, F. Lee Bailey, Judge Ito, Kato Kalin.  Then, 10 years later, Michael Jackson is our golden trial boy.  Don’t forget Martha Stewart, who did jail time and is now the host of more than one t.v. show that have basically the same premise.

So the repeating plot is symptomatic of one thing.  America’s refusal to change or try anything new.  We don’t want electric cars because they don’t run on gas.  I love going to the gas station and maxing out my credit card to pay for it.  I want the men my age to go off and die because some asshole in Washington can’t get his ass into gear to DEAL WITH THIS FUCKING PROBLEM.  I love sitting in bumper to bumper rush hour traffic in L.A. because some assholes (by the name of Ford and Standard Oil), decided to rip out the state of the art train system and put in highways.  And please, please let my best friends who are boys, who happen to like sleeping with boys not get married because marriage is a sacred vow between a man and a woman.  Puhlease, Half of all marriages end in divorce.  It’s not that fucking sacred.  Just get over it America.  Change is good.  Let’s change things up.  Let’s not let C.S.I. and Law and Order ruin our lives.  I don’t want to live the same plot over and over again.  Groundhog Day was a good movie, but let’s not live it out in real life.  Change the channel, watch a show with some plot.  Studo 60 is on at the same time as C.S.I.: Miami and it’s about a million times better.  Plus, there’s not a primate writing that show.  And David Caruso is not the star.  It’s time to move forward America.  Let’s get the smart shows on Television.  Let’s show them that we are not a reapeating storyline that got old 6 seasons ago. 

It’s time for some change. 



June 14, 2007 - Posted by | Hollywood, Politics, Television

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